thanksgiving odds and ends.

For living in a country that doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving, I think we recreated the event fairly well.....

^ My apple crisp!

pumpkinnn breeeaaaddd

It was a beautiful night.  It could have been one of the loneliest days here, but it ended up being one of the best.  We spent the morning shopping for fresh food, the afternoon cooking and laughing and drinking.....and the evening eating to our hearts content.  It had been a while since I had eaten a full meal.  I mean, I eat alright, but it's not often I sit down to a substantial dinner.  My stomach was soooooo happy.

The weeks are dwindling down and I feel like I'm running out of time.  I'm trying to manage my time as best as possible and soak up every second I have left.  Work in the studio has been flying.  I'm figuring out more and more where I stand as an artist.  What interests me.  What styles attract me.  What makes me think, laugh, cry, hope.  My color palette.  It's exciting to have the space to push boundaries or explore ideas and images.  I think about it all the time.  In and out of the studio.  When I eat.  When  I sleep.  

I like to keep a good stock pile of images on my computer or in my journal to keep me inspired.  They make me think or dream, laugh, remember....etc.  They are weird.  I'm interested in the oddities that come with living.  Here are some that are inspiring me today...

Just a few little bits of my happiness this week.  :)

I'll leave you with this one:

its true :)

Sooooo much love,

Hayden

giving thanks.

It has been raining non stop here for the past week.  :(

Today was the first teeny bit of sunshine we have had in a while, making all of us exceptionally happier.  I don't always mind the rain, in fact usually I enjoy it.  But when you live in an apartment with no dryer and your jeans and shoes and socks are soaking wet....well, it can get miserable pretty quickly.

(Oh.  And even as I type this....it's raining AGAIN out my window.)

In other news, it's Thanksgiving time again.  As you already know, italians don't celebrate this holiday so it looks like my roomies and I will be trying our best to recreate our own little thanksgiving dinner.

Mom (via skype) :  "Do they even HAVE turkey in Florence?"
Me:  "Well, Sam said she saw turkey breast at the Esse Lunga where we shop.  Don't worry Ma, there is still turkey boob.  We'll make it work."

Even though I will definitely be feeling over the absence of my family's usual holiday get together, I'm sure that my friends and I will make this Thursday special.  After all, every single one of us has plenty to be thankful for.

I have a bit of a tradition when it comes time for Thanksgiving.  Nothing fancy or unique - just a list.  A list of things I'm thankful for.  And if it's alright with all of you, I think I'll post it here this year.

Things I'm Thankful For (In no specific order) :

*THIS FREAKIN TRIP!!!!  Every single minute of it.  Every freakin second.  Every bit of struggle it took to get here, every bit of challenge involved in being here, everything.  It has changed me, changed my life forever.  Every part of this has been beyond me, above me, within me....just so blessed.  GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  thankyouthankyouthankyou.

*My family, my friends, my dog, everyone who has written me letters or sent me emails, everyone who even bothers to read this silly blog.  Thank you.  I'm thankful for you.  I hope you know how much I love you.

*Esse Lunga - the grocery store that makes the exchange rate on the euro not quite so painful.

*Warm slippers in a freezing house.

*Heat (when it works)  Water (when it works)  and of course, my bed.

*For the man who told me I was a beautiful angel today.

*I'm thankful for my rights, my privileges, my freedoms, healthcare.  There are no tanks rolling down my street.  I can own property, vote, wear what I choose, worship as I choose, speak my mind...and if myself or a loved one gets sick - the nearest hospital is not hours away.

*For the doctors and nurses working diligently in Haiti to battle against the devastating cholera outbreak.

(please lend a hand if you can...we have to take of each other, World.  http://www.hopehaiti.org/ )

*For well preserved and respected history.  For art.  For literature.  For talented educators.

*For gelato.  Oh gelato.....

*For the inspiration I thought I would never find.  For the confidence to act on it.  To create.

*For poetry.  Warm socks and hot drinks.  Sketchbooks and moleskins, prismas and microns, paint and ink, beautiful clean paper.  Beautiful messy paper.

*   ^^^For this guy who modeled for me in Figure Drawing the other day.  Not only was his beard adorable, but he taught me how to say suspenders in italian...  'giarrettiere'

*I am and always will be thankful for fresh mozzarella cheese.  Fruits and vegetables at the open air markets, Sunday morning sounds.

*I'm thankful for my shoes.  They have taken me everywhere I can think of.  Poor babies.

*For safe travel.  Trains, planes, buses, subways.

*For meeting the right people at the right time.  Whenever I felt lost or afraid or unsure, I usually bumped into someone who had the answers.

*For learning to be alone.  Learning to trust myself.

*For parties!  Live music!  ALL music!!! For laughing until I can't see straight.

*For Marta - my nearest and dearest italian friend.  I will truly be heart broken to say goodbye to her in December.

*I'm thankful for snail mail. There is nothing like writing and receiving hand written letters.  People forget how beautiful it is.  Especially when they are from your best friend.  :)

*For new beginnings, no matter where I am.  (New beginnings for those around me too!  Weddings, jobs, college, internships....adulthood....when the hell did that happen anyway...?)

*For skype.  The most effective weapon when battling homesickness.

*For everything I have learned here - about myself, about art, about the global society.  I'm thankful for this endless curiosity about the world that has transformed into an insatiable appetite for living and learning in it.  I'm more than ready to throw myself in the mess of it all.  Good and bad.  I want to feel it.  Need to feel it.

"Each minute of life should be a divine quest."  ~Paramahansa Yogananda


The great thing about Thanksgiving lists are that they never end, they often repeat, and they never stop meaning something.

So on that note....this Thursday, when you gather together, wear your stretchiest pants so you can eat some turkey for me.  No one will judge you.  Own those pants, baby.  And enjoy the turkey coma that usually follows.

I miss you more than ever this time of year.  Soooo grateful to be able to come home to you soon :)

Lovelovelove,

Hayden

a birthday blog

I am 20 years old today.

10 Things That Haven't Changed About Me in 20 years of Living:

1)  If given the opportunity to use play dough, not only will I remain occupied for a good solid hour, but I WILL make you a play dough spaghetti masterpiece.

2)  When going to the library or a book store, I still spend copious amounts of time in the children's section.   

3)  I think there is a definite chance that some boys still - and always will - have cooties.   

4)  I like to listen to people speak.

5) I sing or hum in every shower or moving vehicle... and a lot of places in between.

6)  I'm afraid of sharks and snakes.

7)  I'd rather chill with my Mama than play barbies with you.

8)  I think building forts in the living room or inside your college dorm is perfectly acceptable.  Flashlights should be included.  Christmas lights are preferred.

9)  I still write letters to God.

10)  l day dream about building a fan-freaking-tastic tree house in my backyard.

10 Things That Have Changed:

1)  I like myself so much better than I used to.  I'm starting to finally be happy with who I am and who I will be.

2)  I like tomatoes.  HATED them before this trip.  And now I can eat whole slices.  

3)  I know how to make an entire book all by myself!

4)  I can navigate on planes and trains and buses.  I can plan trips.  I can see the world.  Because I choose to do so.

5)  I work a lot harder than I used to at the things I love most.  It isn't enough to just want to do something.....you have to know why you're doing it to really feel it....and then you have to apply yourself.  The 'why' has become so much clearer and because of that...so has the drive to work.

6)  There is a good chance I might be becoming a good cook.  Gasp.

7)  My art has changed a lot.  My focus is different yet familiar all at once.  I'm less and less afraid of what people might think.  I just need to create.

8)  I have a backbone and a voice.  They've replaced the doormat I used to be.

9)  I have more faith in the world and its possibility for beauty and love.

10)  I can vote.

Today has been a rather uneventful birthday, which has been pretty okay with me.  I like simple things.  I won't lie and tell you I wasn't lonely today though.  It's not really my birthday until I can hug my family and someone sings me a song.   Any song.  I tried to make it special. I made fried eggplant and pasta with meat sauce all by myself!

And then I ate it all by myself in an empty kitchen.

Wow.  

But hey, its my party and I can cry if I want to.  At least for a little bit.  No worries though, tonight I'm going out.  I'll be heading to my favorite live music spot across the Ponte Vecchio.  Music always makes me feel better.  And tomorrow, to celebrate in what is becoming my usual fashion, I have an appointment with a very nice man named Giulio at the nearest tattoo parlor.  Yay!

This week has been rainy and grey, but lately I can't see anything but color.  We've been given a chance to use the studios to create whatever we want/feel/think.  With only a few more weeks until the student show, we are just banging out more and more work.  It's such an beautiful thing to completely disregard the hours that fly by while you pour yourself into whatever is in front of you.   I can't stop working.  It's magic.

This week alone I've been extra busy. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I have so many things I need to get down on paper.  Hopefully something good will come out of the mess in my head.  So far, I can't do anything but embrace the chaos.  A little mess has always been good for me.  :)

Here is my space lately:

gahhhh lovely mess.

And I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who sent me well wishes today.  You made me feel like I'm not quite so far from home.   Made me feel absolutely loved.  Thank you thank you thank you.  :)

I love you.  

Love Always,

Hayden Elizabeth

When in Rome...

At this very moment I am curled up in my bed, going through about a million pictures and wondering how the hell I even begin to articulate the magnificence of Rome.  I can warn you now that I'm going to fail at it, but I'll give it a shot anyway.  Worse comes to worse, you can always skip over the wordy bits and look at the pretty pictures.

Cheers.

(Even just looking at my pictures, you can tell by my crap photography that my hands were probably shaking from excitement and an overstimulated brain.)

Like always, it begins with a train.  :)  Although our seats were positioned backwards - which tends to make me a little woozy - the ride went pretty well to the Termini.  From there it was metro all the way to our hotel.  Walking to the entrance of our hotel, you could see the very top of St. Peter's Basilica.

Butterflies.

We stopped for a really nice lunch at a small place near by.  The waitress was the nicest lady.  Every single one of us was "Bella" and she even served us lasagna made by her own mother.  Um...drool.  Soo good.    Even after the hustle that comes with traveling, it didn't take me long to unwind with some beautiful food and damn good coffee, listening to Lorenzo tell stories.  

^ Nice place, eh?

Following lunch, we jumped right in with a tour of the Vatican Museum.  It was led by probably THE most adorable 70 year old italian woman you can possibly imagine.  Her name was Roberta.  Her knowledge was extensive and she had no problem pushing people out of the way so we could see things.  Lady had sass.  I like her style.  She gave us all kisses before she left at the end of the tour.  

The Vatican Museum is possibly the most overwhelmingly luxurious, historically rich place I have ever encountered.  The art collection is beyond what I imagined.  I have a few pictures, but I knew going into the front hall that I wouldn't even be able to get close to capturing it.

Gosh, I barely have any pictures to show you from that museum.  There's just too many things to see.  I'd have to go back a thousand times.  I'm sorry there aren't more and I'm sorry they are kind of craptastic.  : /

Things really started to hit home when I saw Raphael's School of Athens.  The lunette was huge - so much bigger than in my art history text books!

The shining moment of this whole weekend for me is not hard to guess.  Everyone who has ever seen it has alwaysalwaysalways raved about, cried over it, wished for it.  People pray to see it before they die.

The Sistine Chapel.

I'll be completely honest and tell you that in my mind, the tourist attachment to the Sistine had become a cliche.  I just didn't understand how so many people could fawn over it.  I was skeptic.  I was also afraid that it wouldn't live to all the hype.  I was hesitant.

But I can tell you now, that no one who has ever seen the Sistine Chapel has faked the sentiment when they tell you how moving it is.  If art, history, and spirituality are things you are passionate about.....this place will knock the breath from your lungs.  That's exactly what happened to me.  I didn't just cry, I wept.  

The entrance to the chapel is a surprise.  I expected something grandiose and overly decorated.  Something gilded in gold.  I don't know....something frilly and excessive.  But the way to the chapel is just a few sets of narrow stairs down a plain white hallway and a small, humble door.  That's it.  Suddenly you are just...there.  Consumed by it.  It took me a second to understand the magnitude of the moment I had just walked into.  Our lovely tour guide was hurriedly trying to whisper information and dates at us, but I couldn't make myself listen.  I just needed to stop and see.

It is supposed to be silent inside...no photos, no video.  These rules are strictly enforced by a guard who will not hesitant to scream "SILENCE" or reprimand you for trying to sneak photos. (I couldn't even try to take pictures. Didn't even want to.  They would pale in comparison.)  But even still, there is a definitive hum as a result of the collective whispers of a huge crowd.  I wound my way to the back of the chapel so I could see the ceiling and the Last Judgement in their full glory.  This is when it all hit me at once.  I pretended the whole place was empty and it was just me standing beneath Michelangelo's masterpiece, caught in a place where history, art, beauty, and God just accumulated in one space.  I felt humbled by my own insignificance in the great span of time.  Humbled by the fact that I had some how been blessed enough to be here.  Hopeful that beauty still exists.  Amongst the huge mess that is our whole world - someone created a moment of beauty....and it was kept for me.  In that very moment it was for me.

I can't articulate how tremendous the feeling is.  But as with most significant moments in my life, a song came to mind.  When the hum of the crowd became too much, I pulled out my ipod found the song.  It said everything I couldn't, moved in a way I couldn't, and just solidified the moment in my memory forever.  And all I could do was cry.

I can't recreate the feeling for you if you're reading this.  But if you really want to know where my heart was....click on the link, stop what you are doing, close your eyes and listen.

This Bitter Earth - On the Nature of Daylight

I will never forget it.  Ever.  

St. Peter's Basilica was unbelievably humungous.  Just as the Vatican Museum, it was luxuriously decked out.  At times it was almost too much for me.  Sometimes I get overstimulated and it causes me to lose all sense of focus or logical thought.  St. Peter's messed with my brain.  In a good way though!

The greatest part was seeing Michelangelo's Pieta.  No words.

After the Basilica, my friends and I made it to the Trevi Fountain - which was beautiful in the night time glow.  I couldn't get a solid explanation of the coin throwing system. Throwing one coin meant one thing, two meant something else....and then if you asked someone else they'd tell you something different.  So I just grabbed a few coins and hoped for the best.

We caught a quick bite to eat at a pizza place before walking over to see the Pantheon.  Unfortunately, it wasn't open and was also under a lot of restoration work.....but I tried to hug it anyway.

The next morning we got up and followed Lorenzo down to a cafe where we were treated to the BEST cappuccino and brioche I have ever had.   Having Lorenzo as a guide was wonderful.  I never felt rushed or in a hurry to leave or to get somewhere.  Listening to him talk is so easy and so fascinating.  Hours fly by while he speaks and you wouldn't even know.  His brain is just.....huge.

We went from the cafe to the Christian Catacombs of Callisto.  No pictures were allowed and the tour wasn't too long....but we traveled down underground to the tombs and small chapels dug out of volcanic rock.  We only saw about 2% of the burial grounds holding tombs for over 1.5 million Christians.  It was eerie.  Shelves upon shelves of tombs - some for slaves, some for popes, some for children.  The energy inside the catacombs was heavy.  It made me sad, but it also got me thinking about the kind of faith it took to keep loving a God others say you can't.  Even if you had to go underground and hang out with dead people to do it.  

We forget sometimes in the United States how privileged we are to be free to practice our own religions.  We also forget that religious and spiritual persecution still exists.

From the Catacombs we ventured to the Colosseum.  (We ate an entirely overpriced meal outside of it first of course.)  I've seen the Colosseum on a million calendars and postcards....but actually being there is entirely different.  Bellissima - as Lorenzo would say. :)

And the people-watching wasn't half bad either!

The Roman Forum was next.  It's so strange to finally give a physical setting to all the things you've learned or heard about in Roman history.  Everything that was once seemingly fictional is given a reality you never expected.  

^ This is what is left of the marble floors where Julius Caesar was stabbed to death.  This is where he died.... WHAT?!  I sat on that.  

Rome was so much more than I ever expected.  God....who am I kidding.  This entire experience as a whole is so much more than I expected.  It is consuming me right now in all the ways I hoped it would.  

I don't really know what I did to deserve any of this, but I do know that I will never stop saying thank you.

You are beautiful.  I miss you.  I love you.

~Hayden