Oh hell yes.
I went with three of my close friends here (one of which just turned 20! happy birthday Laura!) to get away from some school stress and to just be...women for a day. Chocolate-loving-emotional-but-ever-so-happy-women.
Our train was packed to the brim with people. Most of whom were headed to the same event. We ended up stuck between seating compartments and we made our own private little cabin in between cars.
The little space was pretty cold and the ground was not the greatest seat....but we had a blast the entire ride. We sang and danced in our little compartment all the way to Perugia.
Once we arrived we stopped for a quick morning cappuccino before hiking up a rather gigantic hill to the festival. (No one can tell me we didn't work for our chocolate.)
As soon as we hit the escalator, (and thank you GOD for escalators.) you could smell the chocolate. The first part of the festival was inside some beautiful historic building I don't know the name of (I was too busy drooling to remember.) where there were plenty of free samples from places like Chiapas Mexico, Venezuela...we tried cinnamon chocolate, thick slabs of DELICIOUS italian bread smothered in nutella...hazelnut chocolate...oh lord. And that wasn't it. Once you made your way through the samples you took yet another escalator out of the building to the HUGE open air chocolate festival. It wrapped around two city blocks....and was Un. Real. I'll shut up now and let you look... or drool. Or both.
No, you aren't dreaming. Yes, that is a solid chocolate rock climbing wall.
We tried so many wonderful little things. Chocolate covered bananas and pears, chocolate PASTA with strawberries, chocolate liquor, and my personal favorite thing of the entire day:
That is what I call hot-freaking-chocolate. It was infused with canella - cinnamon. It will never be the same...
Something I noticed more often than not while at the festival....chocolate is for lovers. People lit up around each stall, trying new things, grinning and cuddling closer to one another. Kids were beyond excited....and I can't tell you how many men I saw with smug grins as they bought their girlfriends/wives chocolate. The look said, "Yes, I know I'm getting lucky tonight."
After spending a good portion of the day in Perugia, we hopped on the train back home. I passed out cold on the train. (I woke up to the sound of my friends laughing at me. Apparently I was scolding a squirrel for stealing my chocolate pears from me in my sleep. Nice, Hayden. Nice.) The rest of the night, it was back to reality and back to the studio. Before diving into work I had a really amazing talk with a woman here named Cindy. She's an independent study student working on her masters. I consider her a really amazing mentor. She asked about my day and as I was talking about nothing in particular...things just clicked for me. I don't know what the moment was or what triggered it, but Cindy and I talked for a solid hour about life and art and being human. Being independent. Being real. Being yourself.
Everything fell into place for me. Everything suddenly felt so possible. The more we talked the more I realized how much I've done here. But more importantly, how much I've changed. Before I came here, I just had no idea. No idea of what I was capable of. I stopped myself from doing the things I wanted, or needed, things that fueled my spirit. I talked myself out of even wearing the clothes I wanted, or the hair I wanted - convinced I was incapable of looking on the outside the way I felt on the inside. I worked and slept and lost so much time to a tv screen. I cared so much about what people thought. I was scared an anxious all the time, whether or not I showed it. My self esteem lived in the gutter. I listened when people told me no. When people told me "you can't."
That night, talking to Cindy I was struck by lightening.
I can do anything.
So simple. I've known this somewhere inside myself all along. But I didn't say yes to it until now. I can because I can choose. I am the only person stopping myself from completely accepting the gift of free will. All things are possible. It sounds so silly I know...this is not a new revelation. But it is real to me in such a new way.
I feel like I'm seeing my life with a new set of eyes. I feel like I am closer to being the person I've always wanted to be. I'm saying yes to living. The life I want to lead, the life I WILL lead. I want to make art and make music and laugh and be weird and love the SHIT out of people. I want to be better. Listen harder, work harder, take risks, learn....everything. Cook more, bake more, be outside, see more shows, galleries, music, friends. Write more, read more. Wear funky jewelry just because I can. I want to fill each day to the brim with the things that inspire me.
It won't always be easy or happy. I'm going to struggle too. I'm not going to like myself every day or feel like taking on the world every moment. It wouldn't be life if I didn't face that reality. But I'm going to stop doing all my living in my head. And anyone who ever made me feel like I can't, can sit back and eat their words. Thank God for beautiful people like Cindy, who just....get it. She looked at me like she recognized the moment of new understanding. She let me cry and ramble and just...download. She's an angel.
I'm so full of gratitude right now. For this trip, for these moments, for this revolutionary living. Revolution, evolution, soul. It is beyond me and within me all at once.
:)
So that has been my week. A little chocolate, a little self truth. And there is so much to come! I'm disappearing from blog land for a little while for Fall Break. It is time to say hello to the UK. You can bet there will be a killer blog when I get back.
I'm sending all of this love to you. Hope you can feel it.
Love, Hayden
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