ci vediamo

Hello again,

It certainly has been a while.  Life has picked up again and routine has returned.  I'm still finding my way back here in the states.  So much has changed in me that I can't possibly see or feel things the way I used to.  There is good and bad in this, just as there is good and bad in everything.  But I am always looking for the good :)

This post will be my final post on Embark.  It's sort of sad.  It seems as though the adventure is over.  But it is soooooooo not.  I'll be revisiting this blog over and over again to remember.  When I'm missing Italy, this is where I'll be.

For those of you who have been reading...I'm SO thankful that you did.  I never expected anyone to follow along, but since I've been home so many people have talked to me about the blog, about the trip...I couldn't believe it.

I've taken to a new sort of online hobby.... tumblrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Basically a place for me to collect images, references images, color palettes, thoughts, words, things, oddities....anything that inspires me.  It's a place for me to sort of build my own visual philosophy and stay inspired as an artist and also...just as a human being.  If you are interested my site is:

www.the-spinning-stairs.tumblr.com

Be warned, this site was not made with the purpose of staying in touch with my family from long distances....this site is just for me and anyone who digs it.  Its not always going to be PG. Such is life.  But you are more than welcome to it.  :)

I hope wherever you are and whatever you are doing...today finds you happy and fulfilled.
Thank you so much for sticking with me!

I love you

Love, Hayden Elizabeth

resolutions.

Well, Happy New Year, everyone :)

It has been just under two weeks since I made it home from Italy.  I can't believe it.  I'm still swallowing it.  Everything is different and yet perfectly familiar at the same time.  Home hasn't changed too much, but I have.

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."
- Christian Morganstern

So true.  Thank God for a family that GETS me!!!

There is sort of a bittersweetness that comes with being home.  Everything that has ever been my comfort is within arms reach again - my family, my friends, my own bed, my dog, food in the fridge, working heat...even just being in my own room is like a big sigh of relief.  I am loving my home with new eyes.

...But I haven't picked up a pencil since I've been home.  Not yet.

What I'm coming to realize is that inspiration doesn't just hit you.  You have to go out and find it.  Sometimes it feels divine...but mostly - its ALWAYS an every day challenge.  In Italy, it was easy.  Everything I saw was new, influential, motivating.  Now I'm in a place where everything is so comfortable and familiar again.  While that is a beautiful feeling to cherish after being away from it for so long...I think it's time to start the search again.  It's time to make home feel as new and different as I do.  Time for some new energy.

Perfect time to start a new year.

My new years resolution:  Don't get comfortable.

I mean a lot of things by this.  I'm not talking about the kind of comfort you might feel when your mom hugs you, or when you eat comfort food, or watch that one movie you've always had a soft spot for.  Those are beautiful things that should be enjoyed and never taken for granted.

I'm talking about the kind of comfort that comes with routine negligence for the world around us.  I'm talking about how easy it is to sleep walk through living.  How easy it would be to close my eyes and ears to the things that might hurt me...while pretending I'm not missing the music at the same time.  I'm talking about ignorant bliss, white and black, the absence of a grey area, cookie cutter living, the laziness of the mind....don't get comfortable.

There is no room to experience the world while coloring within the lines.  I've seen plenty of beautiful paint by numbers...but where are the questions in that?  And where is the journey to an answer?  A self truth?

This year I am challenging myself to challenge myself.  All the time.  Ask questions, take risks, draw upside down, find the unique, embrace the oddities, create more, do the right thing instead of the easy thing, help people more, volunteer more, give more, explore more!  There is no reason I have to stop adventuring just because I'm home.  People ask me if I'm going to get bored now that I'm back....and my answer is: not if I can help it.  :)

I'm sending love to everyone this new year.  Sometimes it is SO perfect to start back at zero.

Peace <3

~Hayden

HOME!

When I last posted I was sleeping over in the Florence airport...but I can happily tell you that I am now posting from my very own bedroom at home!

This weekend was probably the most stressful three days I have ever experienced.  Sleeping over the airport was just the beginning of the journey home.  All three of my new flights were delayed AND in order to get on them....I had to throw out more than half of my belongings to even be allowed to check my bag.  Not only that, but the weight limits changed with the airlines I was flying with, so both times I had to adjust the weight of my bag.  I was charged 150 in euro to get my luggage checked on my final flights home.  That was AFTER being forced to throw out 9 kilos worth of clothes, books and shoes.  They wouldn't let me donate it.  They made me throw it all away.

It's just stuff.

But it still sucked.  I was pulled aside for not one, but two random security checks...watched my stuff be rifled through, my laptop be opened, I got felt up by some security guards.  Flight after flight delayed...waiting and waiting alone in airports.  Between exhaustion and frustration and helplessness....I couldn't even cry like I wanted to.  I just had to wait.

Once in a while I would meet some really amazing strangers though.  I really think they were angels.  Always when I needed a friend the most....someone kind and caring would show up.  I don't believe any of that is coincidence.

It was not fun.  But I would do it all again.  Home has never felt so wonderful.  I feel like I can breathe easy again just being near my family.  And I have some serious cuddle time to make up for with my puppy dog.

I just wanted to say thank you to every single person who sent prayers or positive energy.  YOU brought me home.  I was one of the lucky ones.  I made it out of Europe just in time.  It's all because of you guys.  The power of collective thought, energy and prayer is a very real thing to me.  Thank you so much for thinking of me.  I am honored to have such a beautiful network of family, friends...wonderful, thoughtful people.

I love you so much.  So blessed to be home :)

Have a beautiful holiday and a happy new year.  Buon Natale <3

Love, Hayden

well then....

So, today wasn't exactly what it was supposed to be.  Had everything gone to plan I would be home, in my bed, sleeping, and SUPER happy.

But I'm rolling with the punches because life is definitely not that simple.

I woke up at 4am to make the shuttle to the airport this morning.  Only to check my email and find that my first flight had been cancelled.  One panic attack later and I had Mom and Dad on skype, freaking out.  My mom was the biggest trooper on earth.  I had no way to make phone calls so she spent the ENTIRE night (your time) trying to figure out what the hell to do.  Only to be told that we had to figure it out ourselves and that it wasn't likely I could get a flight for the next 4 days!

Essentially, I had to get to the airport and fight to change my flight.  It was not a happy day.  I dragged my luggage to the train station in the snow.  Waited in a 45 minute line for a taxi.  All with many other people in the same situation.  Everyone is stuck.  Apparently, most of Europe is on lockdown with this snow we had just yesterday.  (On a happy note, it hasn't snowed in Florence for YEARS....Who can say that they got to see the Duomo covered in snow!?  Beautiful!  Inconvenient....but BEAUTIFUL.)

Luckily, I met all the right angels today. After waiting in the most anxiety ridden crowd for almost four hours at the airport....I caught my one and only chance out of here.  Tomorrow I'm flying to Madrid, spending the night and then coming home on Monday!

Since the taxi situation is no good right now, I'm currently camping out in the Florence airport with fellow stranded students.  A lot of flights have been cancelled tonight so I'm still a little nervous, but I'm feeling hopeful that everything will be okay by tomorrow morning when I leave.

Today was definitely a learning experience to say the least.  Half the time I wanted to cry or just give up. The other half I felt empowered and independent.  I can do this.  I've been traveling NON STOP for the last three and half months.  I can do this.  I tried to put things into perspective to gain some patience.....Waiting in line for 3.5 hours to get a plane ticket home is a million times better than waiting that long or even longer to see a doctor or to get your child decent medical treatment.  Waiting is something I know nothing of.

Fingers crossed.  <3

Love, Hayd

leave your mark then let it go....

I've been packing and cleaning out my little room in our apartment.  Even with the shotty heater and broken window latch, the weird mattress and the freezing floors....I have loved this place.  It has been home to the changes in me.  This has been the most incredible, life changing, hopeful, wonderful, scary, fantastic, epic journey.  I'm almost annoyed with the word 'thankful' - it just doesn't seem anywhere near enough.

Even though it is the end of my time here, I don't feel like I'm closing a chapter of my life.  I feel like someone has supplied me with plenty of blank pages, a brand new perspective on life and just said, "Get at it, kid."

I'm on it.

Here is a giant mish mash of just some of my favorite memories....some you'll recognize, others are new:

Oh, this beautiful life.  

My next mission : pay it forward.  Pay it allllll forward.

See you state side..... Love you so.

Love, Hayden Elizabeth